In my last posting, I presented some well-documented reasons why we should be careful about what we post online. In short, a good part of the world's population is active on social media...and watching what we say. Some of these billions of people could be people with substantial influence over parts of our lives...including social standing and employment!
This posting is all about some common sense ways to manage our personal responses online. Everybody knows that grandmothers are some of the most wise people on the planet...and in 2020, it makes particular sense to pay attention to this grandmother-ism:
Little did our nanas know that they'd be predicting a sound strategy for managing our presences on social media! No matter how we try to hold our keyboard "tongues," there will always be those posts that test our patience. Be they ill-informed memes, political rants, or mistakes of "their, they're, there," it can be really challenging not to fan the flame wars that are burning up our social media feeds.
On one hand, social media can drive us to seek out other like minded people. As reported by Berkeley University, we are wired to seek confirmation bias (https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_social_media_driving_political_polarization). Although it's nice to feel validated in our perspectives, we often end up creating "echo chambers." While our feeds become populated with the news sources and opinions from friends that mirror our own, we find ourselves even more separated from those who see things differently...as the rhetoric heats up. False narratives and hyperbole from both sides have resulted in less actual dialog between opposite ideologies (https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2019/05/why-social-media-ruining-political-discourse/589108/).
I still believe that we need open and honest discussion. In the same way that our parents used to tell us that between the stories of two individuals, the truth comes out in the middle, there is likely more in-common between us and our friends, regardless of the political or ideological window dressing. After all, we did become friends for a reason, right? Unfortunately, the nuances of compromise are often lost in the hot and cold world of social media.
The following are some suggestions for improving your online interactions with people you like (and with whom you disagree):
1. Avoid telling someone they are wrong or belittling their opinion. Put yourself in that position; would being called "stupid" or "wrong" ever cause you to change your stance or become LESS entrenched?
2. Try seeing the world though that person's mindset. Ask yourself why that person might feel the way that they do. Many of the most controversial (and hurtful) statements that people make online are based in their own life experiences and fears.
3. Consider directly interacting with that person instead of replying to a thread. My personal mission this year has been to have as "real" conversations with friends as possible...away from the judging eye of our news feeds. One on one is almost always less intimidating than "calling someone out" online. In a personal conversation, there is less chance of "losing face" in front of an audience.
4. If you know this person, consider a phone call or Zoom session. Text (even this blog) does a lousy job in conveying subtlety.
5. Ask questions and listen. I had a great conversation with a friend recently who told me her very personal reasons for opposing a very public social cause. Her lived experience shaped the way she saw the world. Without her sharing, I'd have never known where she was coming from.
6. Resist "name calling." It can be so hard when someone starts judging you and calling names based on your ideology or political affiliation. Generally speaking, the person who resorts to labeling someone loses the fight and cheapens the whole ordeal.
7. When all else fails, delete it. Social media platforms are not democracies, and we can definitely control what resides on our public presence. If someone resorts to offensive speech, delete their comments and let them know why you did. If they persist, block them. For better or worse, we are the company we keep online.
8. Ask yourself if it's worth the fight. There are people whose minds are already made up,independent of facts, logic, or reason. At some point, it becomes like hitting your head against a wall, meaning that stopping feels amazing. Even the wittiest meme or most well-cited post may not make an impact.
In closing, it's good to have friends. I love that the people I hold dear don't always agree with me. Their ability to show me different sides of arguments with love and respect have made my world bigger and my perspectives broader. At the end of the day, we only have to agree on two things: Love and respect. If you don't have those from someone, you should question if they are truly your "friend" to begin with.
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